11/13/00 10:51:50 PM

my flair for the dramatic and my love (love? it must be) for pseudo... well, drama hasn't stopped me from being very very calm the past week - very peaceful which i believe is what i've wanted the whole time - i guess it took a little taste to remember that i not only want the best, but that i deserve the best and will not settle for less than the best - at least for a little while, but this is all bound to change tomorrow as i'm thinking of returning the watch tomorrow and telling her one last story - its all up in the air and daria called yesterday wondering what it was that i was trying to say about her (a bit cryptic, isn't it?) and she remains clueless in the face of a huge neon billboard of naked people that's been set on fire - but that's a whole 'nother story, one that will continue in much the same fashion here in 7.5 days when i touch down in montreal for a weeks vacation and she told me all the things i've heard so many times before - "go for it", "you have so much love to give", "that's just how relationships are"... and that's why i'm not in one because then as is now, i would rather be alone than deal with something that frustrates or hurts me (because it does and has really badly before) and i don't need anyone and i can stand tall - me against the world... as i think of being held and being loved and loving back and looking forward to seeing both of them again for whatever reason and for whatever happens next.

link: i've died and gone to link heaven at design is kinky.

on the deck: talvin singh's ok and dallas faves' the old 97s.

reading: teach yourself cgi programming with perl in a week by eric herrmann, as well as this month's wallpaper and dwell #2.