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2-5-00

i got up this morning for coffee with frank - he reminded me of what the truth was, and how it applied to me.

"Evan, your friendship is very important to me, I think we should keep it at that. So are you smoking again? Sometimes ya just gotta do what you gotta do to stay sane, ya know..."

"Karma happens.

Actually, we were pretty darn sad too. And still are. No blame."

"Yet sometimes, 'staying busy' is just a way to avoid dealing with the emotions you just soon not have to deal with."

(i wrecked my car today (2-4-00) - freaked me out, bummed me out, i'll make it though - kind of down right now. i smoked over it too. did you ever smoke?)

"Addictions can be a bitch, whether it be smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, whatever. Doesn't matter. You want more of the good stuff the addiction brought you. You're right, it is basically just a head trip."

"That's what friends are for. They are there for you to use as therapists. Some day you'll return the favor, believe me. Each of them is going to need you!"

"Mostly doing well, there has been some sadness (for both of us) over the loss of what was and what could have been. But things are what they are. No regrets."

"if someone hasn't told you today, i love you."

(remember: i never know until i ask. i'm only going to live once. i only have today. i'm better than i think i am. )

...and that's the truth.