2/4/01 12:29:01 PM

friday night wasn't as hard or as bad as i thought it would be, but i didn't at all want to do what it was i had to do, but like i told her, "one of these days you'll realize that i never wanted to hurt anybody, and that i was just doing the best that i could" and she in turn told me that there was a "real reason" cleverly hidden behind excuses but that i probably didn't know what it was - i think its a lot simpler than that, unfortunately for both of us - i just want to be alone, because time spent doing almost anything could be better spent alone, working and learning; i did, however, tell her that when she figures out what it was (is), she needs to write it in her journal and never tell anyone about it, but to be on the lookout for it all the same and the very next day, i helped jen move, again, but this time over to the east bay and now i'm again alone in my big sparse apartment which is exactly how and where i want (need) to be - about to get my reorginization and interior decoration on and enjoying the first peace and quiet (solitude) that i've had in a really long time and i'm thinking as i write this about being older and wiser but i realize that i'm not, really, just a little better at taking care of who i need to take care of and keeping my position on this planet amongst everyone and everything else secure.

link: a couple of new dailies on the links page, v-2.org and archinect. john redesigned, and he needs a job! . also, one might like to sign up for the groovysites mailing list.

on the deck: nothing, but i'm feeling some rawk comin' on.

reading: larkin's recommendation, the white hotel by d.m. thomas, teach yourself cgi programming with perl in a week by eric herrmann, and wallpaper. here's what i wish i was reading.