12/10/00

"cancer (june 22 - july 22) although it's impossible for you to make a permanent commitment now, maybe you don't have to tote the barge and lift the bail all alone. trust has become an issue for you (with darned good reason, of course), but if you refrained from childishly believing that anybody is going to come along and save you from yourself, you could enjoy companionship even for five minutes." is what i read in the american way during my flight from montreal that spoke the truth to me about my situation(s) with all these women that i've placed all this phantom importance and unrealistic expectations on - but it seemed irrelavant as i carried on *waiting* for shila and thinking every time we ended up over here that something different was going to happen (much like i did back in '97 when i waited and waited and waited) so after last night i decided (for the time being, of course; heh) that i wasn't going to wait and that it really wasn't worth waiting for - as there's so much more to it than waiting and i also realized yesterday at the zenith of a stressful and messy week that included trippin' over upcoming finals, an ever increasing to do list at work, and just plain ol' self punishment (but a lovely friday evening with justin and stephen at joypad), that i didn't need the hassle (at least for today) - my life as it is right now is hassle enough so today i've maxed and relaxed and caught up and begun dreaming of (stolen/found) art and (self made/styled) interior decoration and an upcoming vacation and new year's resolutions and making it through the week ahead.

link: my programming and design (the email newsletter) from this past week. also, one might like to sign up for the groovysites mailing list.

on the deck: amon tobin's bricolage.

reading: confederacy of dunces by john kennedy toole, wasting america's money by guy lushin, teach yourself cgi programming with perl in a week by eric herrmann, and wired.