3/10/01 12:10:23 AM

after a day of non work and rootbeer floats i've spent the evening hanging out and updating in the head and thinking about a new place and a new website and while waiting for evan d. to come into town and while waiting i picked up some old journals, one from a period of time begun just before my first trip to see nicola and continuing on through my first cigarette and first time getting stoned, then found another that detailed some of the "salad" days with danette that i ended up only adding my perceptions of the night that she told me she loved me and then the day 2.5 months later when she "broke up with me" and i'm remembering those times so clearly that sometimes seem like so long ago, and yeah, they were a long time ago and i forget the horrible wreckage life was after my experiences with both of those women - the times i didn't write about - descent into drug addiction and dropping out of high school and living on the streets and then 2.5 years later loss of motivation and self esteem and jobs and cars and friends and contemplation of suicide as i continued to try being with her while being driven totally mad by her selfishly evil ways (or so i considered them at the time, my time of seeing the other side of the coin always comes at some point) and then... regrowth and even though i sometimes think about and wonder about the sort of things that were on my mind and topics of conversation in those days and who i was then and now that i think about it further, seeing as how my time in late 97 and early 98 was filled with putting pieces of my life back together and now, the person i am and the things i do are so radically different that my life is unrecognizeable, even to myself sometimes - and thinking about the roads i've been down and, inevetably, the road i'm on right now seems to still be heading off into the direction i set for myself then and even though my questioning the validity and importance of that road not long ago no longer matters as the road only leads back to myself - changing my perceptions of the past and thereby changing both the way i deal with the present as well as what i see ahead and its times like this, times of excitement, newness and growth, that i'm really glad i started writing things down again.

link: influences: alt sense and asero.com. also, one might like to sign up for the groovysites mailing list.

on the deck: french hip-hop with m.c. solaar's prose combat.

reading: o'reilly's information architecture for the world wide web, the excellent the elegant universe by brian greene, and one. here's what i wish i was reading.