9/1/00 8:41:28 PM

i just couldn't bring myself to go out tonight and as a result i'm missing (from what i heard from beverly) a dope ass opening but after coffee and target to get an airmattress for mom and grocery shopping and making it home at almost 9pm the thought of driving back to the city to go to a gathering by myself just doesn't strike me as something i should do but goddamn i wish i could sometimes and i can't believe that i'd rather stay home what with all the drama that's gone on with noah and this breaking the lease thing and even monique saying "i don't want to see evan socially" like i ever gave anything for that bitch (but that doesn't stop me from being pissed at hearing something like that) but this thing blew up into a huge illogical stupid mess so quickly and everything will be much better when i make it to mill valley; right over the bridge into the city, not dealing with traffic, building some furniture(!) and i am so ready to go and i woke up this morning thinking about one year ago today when i woke up on cory's sofa "smelling london" and already regretting the fact that i sold out and gave up my trip to europe, but i got my car and my wonderful old apartment that same day and this has been a pretty exceptional year - in retrospect - and i think that if i'd gone and done what i was planning on doing, that i wouldn't be here and like someone said: "we live in the most probable of all possible worlds" and i guess my staying in dallas and doing my thing then coming out here and on up to my "screwing" my roomates and sitting at home tonight (until i get out to go see the cell here in a bit) was all meant to be, and hopefully it will continue to be so.

on the deck: the wall, three times in a row.

link: well, i bookmarked some stuff, but nothing comes to mind...