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i'm trying to convince todd to go to the transam show in may by making a tape, but my mind is on the future, as it were, or i guess, as it will be, perhaps. got a lot of big things coming up- bike's coming out of the shop, gonna road trip all over the place, then expatriate to europe to avoid the fucking y2k bug. i guess that when that's all said and done, my life, as i know it will be over. i'll come home, work, finish school, maybe marry, retire, then die, only to have my mark quickly blown away by the winds of time. really and truly, i should end it now- it'd be better than unanswered questions. it'd be better than deathbed regrets. it'd be better than being forgotten after such effort, but i digress. i've got too much to do. i've gotta write a book, gotta have a gallery show, gotta make a record, gotta have my own company, i've gotta fall in love at least one more time. man, what the fuck am i thinking? i can't kill myself tonight, or tomorrow, or next week. i can't kill myself until at least the middle of may, 'cause transam is coming. and by then, i'll be ready to start my journey. fuck it. i guess i'll just finish todd's tape and think it all over tomorrow, or maybe just finish this side 'cause i'm about ready for bed.