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i i wish i knew what to do about the hers in my life - especially the english one. she... ooh that bitch! these two emails, emails one and two came at completely inopportune times - five weeks and three weeks before iwas to find her my damn self. she clued me in, by writing twice, that she'd been "thinking" (well, maybe not). she also clued me in to where she was working, so i might pull the trick i pulled last time... but maybe not. i think i'm the only one who who thinks that way. oh goodness, does she take her time writing back and the waiting has provided a countless amount of time to consider what will happen (not if but) when we meet again. why should i care? its old, its long, its dead. but its not, for me. so now i sit, chasing my own tail, wondering, fantasizing, planning, counting the days 'till i try to capture what was lost so long ago. alas, this is what i want, she is the one (i think) i want, and i guess (three weeks!) time will tell. my imagination is working overtime on this though - thinking that its a possibility that she and i might have grown in parallel ways over the past *six fucking years* and that we're still as right for each other as i thought we were then. i don't know. i know i'm going to see her one way or the other, whether either of us likes it or not; the way it was last time. neither of us did, by the way. maybe instead of a new beginning, i just want the end, but like i said, time will tell.