5/29/01 11:29:25 AM

i had decided that my life was too overloaded with information; for a long time now i've gotten up in the morning and pored over some of the ream of papers worth of information i'd printed the day (or in the days) before, reading about some very interesting things; history and psychology of the web, business, programming news and theory - all sorts of things - while reading one of 3 magazine subscriptions and whatever novel/novels and/or non-fiction tomes i was working through - i'd done that for a long time and came to realize i a. wasn't *learning* anything (i learn by doing) and b. was merely escaping - as the stuff i was reading, though interesting, wasn't benifitting me very much at all - and since i've stopped i've plowed through 6 or 8 books (this is in the past two weeks, most recently, alan lightman's dance for two), one of those being douglas coupland's microserfs which about people who dealt with computers and their coming closer to each other and themselves, which is all fine and good - i could use some coming closer to myself and others but in the meantime, this extra energy feels like its getting wasted in a different way ('cause i really am not doing anything differently - in fact not doing much at all) which is perhaps only indication of the funk that i'm in/the fear that i'm in - not working so much (on my own stuff nor for a living), sorta directionless (as far as school and career are concerned), uninspired (which has to do with my art and music and work and friends and all of life in general; whoa, is ths the crux of the problem? dunno) not to mention what i've mentioned plenty of times before - the short term logistical changes i'm about to go through that are not very big deals in themselves, but that are intimately tied to emotion and my emotions in particular - sigh - and this weekend i'm going to be doing something that i've wanted to do for a long time but have 1. kept failing at and 2. kinda don't want to do too much and that i won't even mention... so yeah - at this point, i truly don't know and have reached a point where i care, but not that much as i'm sure it or this or whatever will change and as usual its probably something small and stupid but doesn't feel like it right now but come tomorrow night (when she comes into town) this'll all go away (for a li'l bit) and i suppose that i'll continue to do the best i can which really is the best that i can 'cuase if i could do it any better, right now, i sure would.

link: haven't done any surfing or working at all, but yesterday, for some reason, i bought a new domain name.

on the deck: appetite for destruction and tino corp's hello friends.

reading: one and gonna start dave eggers' heartbreaking work of a staggering genius. here's what i wish i was reading.