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9:14 AM 4/6/00

i think i hate being an adult. it seems as though i forced myself into it (quite a while back), but this time, i'll be paying the concequences forever (or at least the next 45 years or so). now that i think about it, i seem to be in a window of time between adulthood and adolescence where i care very little about "activism", fashion, or my social life, (hence my problems dealing with people younger than myself), but i care even less about "adult" stuff; car, status, dental insurance, "settledness"... sometimes though, i care what others think of me. sigh.

which is why i've decided to do what i'm doing now, and feel about it like i do. in fact given the circumstances, the answer should be easy, if not blatantly obvious.

it should be, but its not at times. in fact its very very scary.

its scary thinking about regression.

its scary thinking about having to make it again. its scary thinking about moving to a new place and finding out i was totally wrong about it all. its scary thinking about discovering patterns in what i *think* is scary...

because no. none of this is important,

except for the things that i deem important, and when this becomes an absolute truth, i will be totally free.

link: fluid design, is what *i'm* talkin' about!